Allison to Lillia - Episode 12

Major Stork: Mrs. Moot never told you what happened to your father.

Allison: She told me enough! She told me you killed him!

Major Stork: No. I am your father.

Allison: ... No... No! That's not true!... That's impossible!...

Major Stork: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

Allison: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO...!!

Oops, have I just given away the entire point of this episode? Yes, sadly I think I have, but considering that it was (although not quite to the level of the opening to this post) all but entirely lifted from The Empire Strikes Back I don't think it's too much of a bad thing.

After the whole train charade last episode, our brave quartet get put into a luxury hotel for the night, but in the morning Benedict has a surprise for them all, and in particular Fiona - No, the surprise isn't just hiring a limousine (although Fiona is entranced by it, because of course a Princess and soon-to-be Queen would never have seen a limousine before), it's a marriage proposal. Apparently things are pretty free and easy in Sous-Beil, and you can get married in a church just by kissing someone with no religious ceremony required. Thus concludes the cheapest church wedding in the history of the universe.


Sadly, Major Stork turns up rather late to the ceremony (although he really didn't miss much, and there wasn't even a finger buffet after), but as he's leaving Wil decides that now would be the perfect time to shoot him. With a rubber bullet. A rubber bullet that doesn't hurt Major Stork in the slightest, or even wind him. Thus concludes the most rubbish shooting in the history of the universe.

Everything that happens from this point onwards in a blur of nonsense, but the basic upshot is this - Major Stork is, in fact, Allison's father. Hurrah! The downside to all of this is that Major Stork is also an admitted murderer and spy, who was in fact planning to destroy the entire train seen in the past two episodes 'if it wasn't for those pesky kids'. Booo! It must be great to have a Dad you can be proud of, huh Allison?

Of course, if there's one thing Allison and Wil are good at in a morally dubious situation, it's ignoring all of the bad stuff like murder and treason and focus on the warm and fuzzy memories of buying lasagne and hats. Continuing his role as doting father, Major Stork kindly offers to send Allison a letter and a birthday present some time, as obviously that will more than compensate for decades thinking that your father was dead. With all of that settled, Allison and Wil have sex in the church. Probably. We don't get to see that bit, and I'm not sure whether that is something to be happy about or not.

I know I've thrown any sense of objectivity about this series out the window a long time ago, but can I just say - This was half an hour of the most literally unbelievable tripe. Thank goodness it's so bad that it's funny, otherwise I'd never have survived a dozen episodes of this thing...